Creator of my own demise

Do you have any character trait or personality trait that is a thorn in your side? I have at least one…probably more. I can be extremely shy and uncomfortable around people. I am terrified of speaking in front of a group of people…even people I know well if it is a large group. I will avoid this at just about any cost. As a kid, I can't tell you how many times I embarrassed myself in front of a group of people because I could not recite what I had rehearsed perfectly only moments before to myself. I was a Brownie and then Girl Scout in elementary school. I would BEG my parents to take anything I was selling to school with them (as they were both teachers) so that I would not have to approach anyone trying to sell something. I couldn't even sell Girl Scout cookies which pretty much sell themselves. When I was in high school, my mother saw my shyness in light of her own and wanted to see if I could move beyond that. So for a summer (I’m not really sure how long this went on) I met with a Christian counselor or psychologist who officed at a local hospital. I don’t remember much about the whole ordeal, but he would give me “exercises” to work on. I remember one week the exercise was simply to start a conversation with a stranger. That’s about all I remember – and I have no idea if I did the exercises he gave me or not. It would be entirely believable for me to have lied to him rather than actually do what he suggested I do (but I don't remember what I actually did). I’m not sure what results came about because of my sessions with him. I was comfortable around my small group of friends I hung out with in high school and had fun with them, but I didn’t branch out much. Then I went off to college. I guess I knew that I had to relax a bit because I only knew a handful of people when I got to school. After college, I moved to Dallas. I really didn’t know anyone there so I tried to quickly get involved in a singles group at church. Thankfully, I met several nice people – one of which is still a very good friend today. I would have to admit that I chose the church I joined based on the friendliness of the people in the singles group. I visited a couple of churches where no one in the singles group even talked to me. I have realized recently that I have always found a friend or two and then held on for dear life to them rather than continuing to build relationships with other people. It is weird to have a realization such as this now that I am 30. Maybe I just didn’t consider it earlier in my life. So what’s a shy person to do? M says that I need to challenge myself to invite girls to do things one-on-one and just get myself out of my comfort zone. I will tell you right now that while I think he is right, that thought really scares me sometimes. I am truly a weirdo and have created this sometimes lonely world I live in.