Monday, February 23, 2009
My goodness! Have you noticed the number of days until our due date over on my widget? It is now less than 100!
This past week was a good one. It was busy so I got really tired, but it was good.
I finally ordered the furniture for the nursery. It is currently out of stock, but we should get it by the end of March. As quickly as everything else is going, I am sure it will be here before I know it.
I also started the process of registering. Boy, is that overwhelming. There are so many decisions to make. And everything is so expensive.
Tonight we took dinner to some friends that had a baby boy 2 weeks ago today. He was so precious! I hope she doesn't mind that I bombarded her with questions. I told her I was sure to have many more for her. They are doing really well and she looked great. That gives me hope!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Things are going well this week. I am feeling well and not feeling sore when I wake up in the morning anymore. I am very grateful for that.
Baby Girl has been most active when I go to bed at night. I’m not sure if she really is most active then or if I notice it more because I am laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Either way, I notice it most at night. Matthew has not been able to feel her move yet. It still feels almost like twitching when she moves. It is a hard feeling to describe. My sis-in-law described it to me like a fish is in there flopping around. That's actually pretty accurate. I haven’t been able to see her movement on my belly or feel it with my hand yet. I’m not sure if that will happen soon or not.
I have no idea why, but I cannot keep myself from touching or rubbing my belly a lot. There’s really no reason for me to do it (although my skin does itch at times due to the stretching), but I cannot keep my hands off. I think I just like to remind myself that Baby Girl is in there and how grateful I am for this time. I really want to enjoy it and notice every little thing. Weird!
Several years ago when we lived in Austin, we played this game (I think it was a newlywed game) with some friends from church. I can’t remember if it was a question that was asked or if we were just chit-chatting, but Matthew told this guy that if I could, I would wear trash bags. Basically, he was just commenting on how he thought I wore clothes that were too big for me. My mother used to also give me a hard time about not “showing off my figure.” I never really understood what Matthew was saying. However, I think I now get it a little bit because I have been able to wear my normal shirts up to this point. They cover everything but are a little short since I have so much belly to cover. But they work since I generally wear a cami under everything (and don’t want to spend money on clothes at the moment).
This is a snippet of an email I received from my sister-in-law (Matthew’s sister). Have I mentioned how helpful she has been to me during this pregnancy? I really appreciate her! I have removed names to protect the innocent.
It was too funny – [3 year old boy] was with me at BBSRUS when I was looking around. I picked up a dress and said, "Look at this [3 year old boy]. Isn't this cute?" He said, "It is cute, mommy, but it's too small for [15 month old girl]." Which in itself was a riot. Then I said, "This isn't for [15 month old girl], monkey, it's for Uncle Matt and Aunt Mindy's baby. Remember, I told you they are going to have a baby." He said, "Oh, it's for Jackson."
I know I told Matt, but [3 year old boy] has named your baby Jackson and asserts when asked that it is too a girl's name.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I had to drink the glucose drink before my appointment so they could check for gestational diabetes. My appointment was at the end of the day so I hope my food choices yesterday did not have a negative impact on those results. No news is good news so hopefully I will not hear anything back.
My next appointment is in 4 weeks. After that, I will start going to the doctor more often. I cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy is going.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Here are my week 24 pictures. I probably should not wear this shirt again as it is quite snug.
Not much has changed in the past week. I am glad to be feeling well again. While I am still stiff sometimes when getting out of bed in the morning, I am not feeling as sore as I was. I am afraid I may have started the pregnancy waddle. I don't think it's because of the weight I've gained so far or even the shape of my body. I think it's because I have been stiff and my lower back is sore some mornings. Of course, I know that my ligaments are loosening to prepare for things to come so that has an impact as well.
I am a chronic leg-crosser. I have read numerous times over the past few months that I should stop crossing my legs. So I started working on this a couple of weeks ago. In the beginning, I would automatically cross my legs as soon as I sat down. I sit at a desk all day so it was very challenging. I have been successful so far and am certainly more aware of this when I sit down. This has helped me work a bit on my posture while sitting as well.
I made my first baby clothes purchase this weekend. No matter where I am shopping, I now have to peruse the baby section just to see what's out there. I have been good so far about not spending money. Last weekend I found the cutest little onesies that I could not resist though. They are a cowgirl theme which I thought was so cute! Several weeks ago while at Target I found some baby blankets on clearance so I bought 3. They were only $0.98 each! What a deal! I have also purchased some bibs as my sister-in-law told me they used them like crazy...especially to keep up with all the drool.
- Last Saturday we started cleaning out Baby Girl's room. Since moving into the house a little over 2 years ago, this had become our junk room. Don't know what to do with something? Put it in the front room. People are coming over and we need to quickly clean off the dining room table (which collects all sorts of stuff)? Put it in the front room. Too lazy to take this or that downstairs where it belongs? Put it in the front room. You would not believe what all was in that room. It is almost emptied and ready for its makeover (even though we don't know what exactly that will entail and don't have any furniture ready to move into the room). We moved some things to a new home within our home and took many things to Goodwill. It felt good to at least get started on that project.
- Even though I already had a pretty good list going of names I like, several weeks ago I went through the HUGE baby name book and marked all the girl names I liked. Last night, I finally wrote out a list to narrow down the choices. I figured this would facilitate a nice discussion between Matthew and me of names. As I was making the list, I came across several names and wondered what in the world caused me to mark those names. Yikes! Maybe I was quite tired while marking the names. I definitely have a favorite name that has been picked out for a LONG time. Now I just have to convince Matthew that it is the best name choice.
That's it! So that's not much progress I guess. But we're working on it!
Back to the subject of this post...
I am guessing that I have always wanted to have children and imagined myself as being a mom one day. Matthew says I started talking about babies almost immediately after we got married. There is probably more truth to that statement than I care to admit. I really enjoyed babysitting when I was a teenager and have always liked kids.
A couple of weeks ago as I sat in Sunday school and watched a mother with her month old baby, I came to the realization that I have not spent much time around newborn babies and really have no idea what to do with one. I am far too composed to admit that I started to freak out (but in truth that is what happened). I started for the first time to feel completely unprepared for Baby Girl. I am still so excited to meet her, but now I am starting to think about all the things I have no idea about. I hope that every mom-to-be comes to this place at some point and that I am not entirely on my own in this.
I have since done a lot of praying, talking to Matthew, reading, looking through the classes offered by the hospital, and settled down a bit. I realize that I could not possibly know all there is to know before this precious gift is delivered. And I think with the classes I hope to take at the hospital, I will be reassured about caring for Baby Girl and learn many of things I am currently clueless about.
Whew! "They" aren't kidding when they say this pregnancy thing is an emotional roller coaster!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The last several months have been quite a doozy for Matthew and me...mostly for him though. Carolyn passed away at the end of August, not a month later we found out we were expecting, and about 6 weeks later Matthew was laid off from his job. That is a lot of life to deal with in such a short amount of time. Talk about grief. And at this moment, I wouldn't say good grief.
I have to admit that I have not experienced much tragedy in my life to this point. There has been death in my family, but mostly it was the death of those who had reached an old age and that frankly I did not know as well as I would have liked. Grief is hard. It is hard to know how to grieve and how to make sure you completely go through the process. It is also especially hard to know how to support someone you love who is experiencing grief from the same circumstance as you but goes through the process in a completely different way than you. I think both Matthew and I have been at a loss on how to process all these life changes that have come our way.
Even in the joy of expecting baby girl, there has been grief. Grief for the loss of her grandmother who would have absolutely showered her with love and attention. Grief for the "security" we had when Matthew and I were both working. Grief for a "close" friendship that has been lost during this pregnancy due to circumstances beyond our control.
I think we have been and are doing as well as we know how. While we do not doubt that God is always good and His plan is what we want for our lives, it is hard to understand timing. It is frustrating to wonder about the future...when will Matthew get a job, will we need to move from our current house, should we bother decorating baby girl's room. Obviously, we never have an answer for every detail of our future. But I have learned that I found security in the knowns that were in our life when Matthew had a job. It is always easy for me to say that I trust God. He has never given me any reason not to trust Him, even in the present circumstances. He has always met my needs. However, I am discovering that it is also easy to say that I trust Him but to know that I have paychecks coming from 2 employers this month.
Our small group is doing a study through the book of Judges. We have been talking about idols. It is easy to "see" the idols of the Old Testament because they were generally physically able to be seen. It is harder for me to search my own life and find my own idols. Basically, as people, we are going to worship something...either God or any number of other things. I have had to ask myself if I have placed my trust or hope in something other than God. And I think if it weren't for Matthew looking for a job, I may not have realized that I felt I didn't have to trust God to take care of me/us because we were both working and earning money. I think I could rationalize it by saying that God provides for us through these jobs and therefore I am trusting Him. And that is true in a way. But I cannot put my trust and hope in a job, in a person, in money, etc. It must be placed in God. He is my hope.
We are struggling with what is next for us. Matthew wants to work and has applied for more jobs than I could count. This situation is new. Every time either of us has looked for work before, it was while we were currently employed. Matthew is frustrated and wants to provide for us and our baby girl. He wants to be doing something more productive with his days than looking for work. Please pray for him. Pray that God will bring the right job his way. Pray that he will be encouraged and not discouraged. Pray that he will find his worth in his Creator rather than his job description or earning power. Pray that we will trust Him and His timing and rest in His peace.