Good grief!

I would like to know who coined this phrase and what exactly that person meant by it. I am sure with just a few keystrokes and click on the computer I could find out, but I am too lazy at the moment to do just that.

The last several months have been quite a doozy for Matthew and me...mostly for him though. Carolyn passed away at the end of August, not a month later we found out we were expecting, and about 6 weeks later Matthew was laid off from his job. That is a lot of life to deal with in such a short amount of time. Talk about grief. And at this moment, I wouldn't say good grief.

I have to admit that I have not experienced much tragedy in my life to this point. There has been death in my family, but mostly it was the death of those who had reached an old age and that frankly I did not know as well as I would have liked. Grief is hard. It is hard to know how to grieve and how to make sure you completely go through the process. It is also especially hard to know how to support someone you love who is experiencing grief from the same circumstance as you but goes through the process in a completely different way than you. I think both Matthew and I have been at a loss on how to process all these life changes that have come our way.

Even in the joy of expecting baby girl, there has been grief. Grief for the loss of her grandmother who would have absolutely showered her with love and attention. Grief for the "security" we had when Matthew and I were both working. Grief for a "close" friendship that has been lost during this pregnancy due to circumstances beyond our control.

I think we have been and are doing as well as we know how. While we do not doubt that God is always good and His plan is what we want for our lives, it is hard to understand timing. It is frustrating to wonder about the future...when will Matthew get a job, will we need to move from our current house, should we bother decorating baby girl's room. Obviously, we never have an answer for every detail of our future. But I have learned that I found security in the knowns that were in our life when Matthew had a job. It is always easy for me to say that I trust God. He has never given me any reason not to trust Him, even in the present circumstances. He has always met my needs. However, I am discovering that it is also easy to say that I trust Him but to know that I have paychecks coming from 2 employers this month.

Our small group is doing a study through the book of Judges. We have been talking about idols. It is easy to "see" the idols of the Old Testament because they were generally physically able to be seen. It is harder for me to search my own life and find my own idols. Basically, as people, we are going to worship something...either God or any number of other things. I have had to ask myself if I have placed my trust or hope in something other than God. And I think if it weren't for Matthew looking for a job, I may not have realized that I felt I didn't have to trust God to take care of me/us because we were both working and earning money. I think I could rationalize it by saying that God provides for us through these jobs and therefore I am trusting Him. And that is true in a way. But I cannot put my trust and hope in a job, in a person, in money, etc. It must be placed in God. He is my hope.

We are struggling with what is next for us. Matthew wants to work and has applied for more jobs than I could count. This situation is new. Every time either of us has looked for work before, it was while we were currently employed. Matthew is frustrated and wants to provide for us and our baby girl. He wants to be doing something more productive with his days than looking for work. Please pray for him. Pray that God will bring the right job his way. Pray that he will be encouraged and not discouraged. Pray that he will find his worth in his Creator rather than his job description or earning power. Pray that we will trust Him and His timing and rest in His peace.

Thank you!