Rain, rain, rain...and even more rain

It has rained at our house at least 7 of the last 8 days. Some days it has been a lot of rain and other days just a sprinkle. It has been wonderful as this is really the first rain we have had all year. I love the rain. I like the coolness it brings to the day here. I like the way it makes everything green. I love the loud thunder and bright lightning…the sound of the rain on the roof and windows…the smell of the rain. I haven’t enjoyed the muddy mess our yard has been or the water that has been standing in parts of our yard for what seems like at least a week. Nor do I like the mess Max makes in the muddy places of the yard or how much work it is to make sure he is clean before coming in the house after playing outside. But I still love the rain.

Life has been rough lately. From the outside looking in, and even sometimes from my own point of view, it doesn’t seem rough but it sure has felt that way. I remembered yesterday a camp t-shirt we had when I was in high school. It read, “Life is tough. God is good. No fear.” At the time, it was just a catchy t-shirt to me. Remember the “no fear” craze? Now I recognize how true that statement is. Life can and will be tough. But God is always good. How thankful I am for that.

Like the ground has been thirsting for this rain, I think my soul, my very being, has been thirsting for something of the same. Something to come in, make some noise, flash some bright light, wash away all the dirt and grime, and leave the sunshine in its place. I have been needing to release some tension…stress from work, frustration and sadness about my dreams of being a mother at least for now not being met, and weariness just from dealing with life right now. Stress in one area of my life often leads to stress in all the other areas. (How in the world I think I could handle a bigger family is beyond me at this point.) While I have SO much to be thankful for, for the last several days I have been thinking mostly of what is not going my way.

I tend to compare what is going on in my life to what is going on in the lives of those around me. I do this when things seem to be going really well in someone’s life and I am envious of things like what they have, how they live, what their faith looks like, etc. However, when I feel like my life is really tough, I tend to also realize that so many people have bigger problems than I have. That humbles me. I don’t think I’m supposed to compare my life to others in either of these ways. My life has been put into motion by a loving Father. He alone is in control of all things. He knit me together in my mother’s womb, knows all there is to know about me, and even gave me the ability to feel (even to feel sadness). He has blessed me in many ways…maybe not the ways you have been blessed with talents, children, wisdom, etc. But He has blessed me. And how disappointing it must be to Him when I compare all that is my life to what is the life of another.

Today I read the following quote on a blog I check often. Since I do not believe in coincidence, could it be that God laid this on this woman’s heart just so I would read it today? I don’t think that’s out of the question, but I’m probably not the only person who this applies to today either.

“Give up the bitterness, the anger, the sadness for what isn’t, that you wish you had. And embrace the gift of what you do have. For therein is really what you want more of: Joy.” -Elizabeth Elliot

Yesterday was a sad day for me. Everything just added up to roughness in my view. I went home looking for comfort from my hubby. He basically told me exactly what the quote above says. While what he said was completely true, it was hard for me to hear. At the time, I was just looking for comfort and for someone to share my sadness.

Today is a new day. I am finding that each day I have to give my desires, wishes, dreams, and ideas about what should be over to God…each day. While I don’t think some of my desires in and of themselves are bad, they become bad when I obsess over them and forget the bigger picture. I want to desire what God desires. I must remember to ask Him for those desires…to ask Him to change my heart so that it reflects His heart. That’s a tall order, but “He who began a good work in me will continue to its completion.”